Porn is love you can see.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
