My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
