After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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