I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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