I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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