I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize