They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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