Where is the hickey?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i want to swaddle you in tequila
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
