I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
