first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
