Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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