You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
