I wish I could punch you in the face.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
