i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
