I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
