when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
