i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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