I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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