I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
