I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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