I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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