So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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