If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
