We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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