I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize