I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize