If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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