Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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