I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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