four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
