i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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