So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
