either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
