i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
