A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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