so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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