i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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