please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
