walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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