i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You made out with two different species that night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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