I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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