i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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