You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
