i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
