I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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