Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
