oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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