how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
