i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Congratulations! We have a period
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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