I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
God, I missed his penis.
And then he peed in my hair
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