....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he thought i was a dude.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize