you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
