Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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