Screwed.edu
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
