i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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