party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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