he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
