Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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