i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My ATM looks so different sober.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
