i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
