Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
