R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize