Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize