Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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