just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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