I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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