Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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